Что обязательно нужно сказать Своей дочери?

«…Когда моя дочь ещё немного подрастёт, я скажу ей: Если тебя ударили, немедленно собирай вещи.
 Веди себя так, будто произошло землетрясение:
 хватай документы, детей, с остальным разберешься позже.
 Не принимай извинений и покаяний, не вступай в переговоры.
 Любое «прости меня» завтра обязательно превратится
 в «ты меня довела». В это болото очень легко упасть,
 и очень тяжело вылезти. Не сомневайся. Беги.                                                         Запомни, что любое «ты сама виновата» и «ты меня доводишь» —   бессовестное враньё. На самом деле это означает:
 «Я знаю, что могу ударить тебя, обидеть, оскорбить, и мне за это             ничего не   будет. Поэтому не вижу смысла себя контролировать».                                           Ты всегда можешь прийти ко мне. Всегда. В любом состоянии
 и положении. В слезах и босиком. С ощущением самого жуткого           провала в   жизни. И я не буду обвинять тебя. Даже если мне             захочется   сказать: «Я же   предупреждала» — я запрусь в туалете
 и скажу эти слова перед зеркалом, сама себе, шёпотом.
 Потому что они не утешают, а только втыкают иголки
 в открытую рану.                                                                                                            Если меня не будет — мало ли, родители смертны — пусть у тебя                 будут друзья настолько близкие, чтобы у них можно было попросить     помощи. Если таких нет- ищи помощь, любую. И не стыдись её         принимать. Жалуйся, кричи, рассказывай всем, кто готов слушать.             Пусть у тебя будут свидетели, потому что зло творится в молчании.                     Отношения никогда не начинаются с побоев. Первые ласточки               выглядят как «ну ты и дура», «какого черта ты вмешиваешься»,
 «да что ты понимаешь», «я сказал, значит, ты идешь».
 Сначала просьба превращается в приказ. Потом мелкие унижения       становятся нормой. Хамство выдается за близость.
 Никому не позволяй унижать себя и специально причинять боль.             Никогда не думай «я умная, со мной такого точно не произойдет».
 В эту ловушку проваливались женщины и поумнее нас с тобой.                             Твой враг — ощущение «вроде показалось». Сегодня человек
 ведёт себя абсолютно адекватно, а завтра на него что-то находит,
 и он превращается в раздражённого садиста. А послезавтра           выглядывает солнышко, и все настолько в порядке, что ты                 облегчённо выдыхаешь: «Показалось». Если такое происходит часто,   насторожись. Это ощущение — главный симптом, на который можно   опираться. В отношениях с таким человеком не заходи слишком             далеко, не имей с ним общих детей и общего бизнеса.                                           Пусть у тебя всегда будут собственные деньги.
 Свои источники заработка. Если ты сидишь с детьми,
 пусть у тебя будет свой счет, финансовая подушка на всякий случай.     Обсуди  это с ним до того, как окажешься в декрете. Это очень важно.       Когда дети маленькие, мы максимально зависим от мужчины —
 и уязвимы, как никогда.                                                                                              Не позволяй, чтобы отношения стали единственным,
что есть важного в твоей жизни. Это опасная конструкция.
Друзья, работа, спорт, увлечения — пусть всё это обязательно будет. Зарабатывай. Учись. Если отношения когда-нибудь рухнут — а это        случается чаще, чем хотелось бы — будет больно. Но лучше,
когда рушится одна башенка, чем весь замок.                                                            Следи за своим здоровьем, заботься о себе,
чтобы хватало сил жить.                                                                                             Никогда не попадайся в ловушку «все так живут».
Это неправда. И я сделаю всё, чтобы ты видела семьи,
в которых нет насилия и хамства, в которых люди разговаривают                  друг с другом уважительно, даже когда очень злятся.
И сама постараюсь быть для тебя не худшим примером.                                        Никогда не попадайся и в эту ловушку тоже:
«такое только у меня, какая же я дура, как стыдно».
Это тоже неправда. Невелика беда — оказаться в ситуации насилия.            Беда — застрять в ней надолго, на годы. Тебе не нужна семья
любой ценой. Не нужна идеальная семья для суперобложки.
Тебе нужно место, где будет хорошо, где тебя смогут поддержать
и позаботиться. Оно может выглядеть очень по-разному.
(Это вообще не обязательно семья).                                                                         Люди могут меняться. Более того, они постоянно это делают.
Нас меняют возраст и опыт. То, что в юности кажется невинным        чудачеством, с годами может оказаться психической болезнью
или просто скотством. Иногда люди ведут себя очень некрасиво,                  если понимают, что другой человек от них зависит. Если с тобой                  такой произошло, не ругай себя, что «не разглядела подлеца                раньше». Есть много вещей, которые мы не можем разглядеть,
пока они спрятаны глубоко под землей. Действуй, см. пункт 1.                               Экспериментируй, пробуй новое. Новые работы, новые стрижки,                новые виды спорта. Новые блюда, новые правила в семье.
Чем больше нового ты можешь впустить в свою жизнь,
тем увереннее будешь чувствовать себя в отношениях.                                          Поделись этими правилами. Перескажи их подругам.
Не оставайся равнодушной, если кого-то обижают и над кем-то          издеваются на твоих глазах. Помни, иногда людям немыслимо                  больно и стыдно просить помощи. И всё-таки она им нужна.
Может быть, ты окажешься единственной, кто заметит чужую боль,
и тогда — не проходи мимо»
                                                                                                                                                                                                            /Анастасия Рубцова
Обновлено: 16.02.2021 — 14:20

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    1. Благодарю! Привет из Феодосии!

  2. С мужем,гражданином Германии,заключили брак в ноябре 2019 ого.Получение голубой карты и воссоединение семьи — через 3 месяца,в феврале 2020 ого.Супруг преминул в начале декабря этого года,после 13 месяцев брака и 10 месяцев с момента воссоединения семьи. Имеет ли смысл подавать на вдовью пенсию?Знаю,что нужно прожить в браке не меньше года,но где именно начинается отсчет нашей совместной жизни? Спасибо большое зарание за ответ! Оксана Б.

    1. Оксана, Привет из Феодосии! В таких вопросах, подсказать ответ затрудняюсь. К юристу лучше обратиться. Благодарю за Комментарий! Желаю Успеха!

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  4. Свободный доступ к информации, на самом деле, большая проблема. Не нужно запоминать, искать, анализировать — достаточно открыть Википедию или загуглить и всё, информация перед тобой. Это плохо, потому что реально снижается функция запоминания, не формируется правильный образовательный базис. Тот самый базис, который учит схватить проблему, найти недостающий паззл и тогда уже воспользоваться справочником или интернетом. Проще говоря, постоянно гугля, школьник не учится понимать, что именно надо гуглить. Между тем именно первичный образовательный базис ложится в основу будущей карьеры, служит платформой для навыков анализа и синтеза.

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